Bad Dream.

There are some dreams where you wake up scared…others where you wake up happy…and then there are some that you wake up with a feeling of complete and utter failure.

I feel asleep last night after drinking four cups of decaf coffee and a big bowl of ice cream.  At around 1:30 I awoke…having to pee, but also by the sounds of the night – sirens!  I got back in bed and my mind started to drift and think about what all had happened during the day.  Breakfast.  Work.  Fishing.  Advent Planning Meeting.  Usually when my mind starts to drift I find myself unable to sleep.  I get more and more tired…and more and more frustrated as I cannot sleep…as a result I have a harder time to sleep.  I thought that was going to happen last night.  Thankfully it didn’t…but my mind continued to wander as I slept and my sleep was not very deep or meaningful.

I remember realizing that it was Sunday morning.  I was leading the music like most Sundays, but this Sunday it was just me on acoustic.  Sweet.  I showed up about an hour early with my guitar and no one was there.  I decided I did not feel like setting up at the time, so Kelli and I left to go on a stroll around town. – leaving all the gear for everyone else to set up.  We walked around for a while, talked, perhaps even kissed.  All of a sudden I looked at my phone and realized that it was 11:16!  We needed to get back to church!  So we hurried back just in time for the start of the service.  I had not setup my guitar or anything, so I got that out backstage and tried to find my music.  It was not there.  I had a stack of music in my hands, but could not figure out what songs I had picked for the week and did not recogize any of the songs in the stack.  Announcements were made.  It was time for the music to start.  I kept searching for the songs to play, but could not find them.  Finally my pastor goes to the front and says “We are going to do what we talked about before.”  At that moment, almost everyone got up and came to the front.  I suddenly realized there were risers on the stage…which everyone marched onto  and started singing, as a choir, the worship songs I had picked at. 

I knew I had to get my music before the next set!  I also realized I had left all my cables at home to.  So I went outside to get my car to drive home quickly.  I could not find it though!  So, I jumped in my car so that I could drive around and find my car…hmmm…read that sentence again!  That’s really what I did!  I finally realized…duh..I am in my car!   So I start for home which is actually only about a minute away from the church.  But I take a wrong turn and end up on the interstate.  I drive for about thirty minutes before realizing that I have gone the wrong way.  So my friend Sam (who just happens to be in my car…which..instead of a Ford Focus…now a convertible) and I stop.  It is a good thing I did stop because there is now a garage door blocking both sides of the interstate.  For some reason the police have installed them to act as gates.  They are doing checks on cars.  Well I had forgotten my driver’s liscence…so they end up impounding my car and trying to sell it on the side of the road. 

Now I cannot begin to explain or try to write anymore about my dream.  For one thing, much of it has faded as dreams do as soon as we wake up.  But at this point in my dream I was more frustrated then I have ever been in my life.  I felt as if I had failed everybody that was depending on me.  When I think back on the dream, I know there were some more details that, when pieced together added to all of my frustrations.  In fact, now after writing it I don’t even see why I was super frustrated.  But in my dream, by the end I was swearing at people and hitting things.  Very unlike me! 

Anyways.  That was my dream last night.  I woke up with one of the worst feelings in my life.  A feeling that I had let everyone down and there was nothing I could do to change it.  And it hurt that everything was going wrong and even though I was trying my hardest to do what I was supposed to do…it just didn’t work or happen!

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Published in: on November 13, 2009 at 9:49 am  Leave a Comment  

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