Wow.  I have not been writing a whole lot lately.  I have been so busy with life! 

I guess you could say that my emotions continue to swing as a pendulum back and forth…or maybe a better picture would be of a tire swing hanging from a big thick piece of wood.  A tire swing is not constrained to only two directions.

That’s how my life is.  I continue to be challenged.  I continue to find success.  I continue to find failure.  I continue to be depressed.  I continue to find joy in the Lord.  I continue to lose hope.  I continue to surrender all to him.  The tire swings…it goes faster…it slows down…it spins faster as it swings…and I realize that I am not in control…but the question I have to ask:  If I am not in control…does that mean that I have let God take control?  or am I being controlled by some other desire….acceptance?  fame? popularity? love?  grace?  hope? 

I have now been in charge of music at my church for a little over a month.  I have loved it, but have found myself getting extremely frustrated with all of it as well.  I love music.  I love expressing myself through creativity. It is an amazing opportunity to use my gifts to glorify the Lord and to lead others to his throne.  It is just hard when I look at where I want to be and where we are now as a musical team.  I get frustrated over lack of team members and over lack of committment.  I truly wish and pray that I had a solid group of five people who could play almost every sunday…so that we could work together every single week – learn songs and grow tighter as musicians.  And continue to improve.  I want to push our congregation to passionately worship God through music.  Express themselves in new ways and seek out ways during the entire week that they can pursue God and further His kingdom.   I have a lot of goals, but no way to achieve them.  But I am trying…

I just get discouraged.  I hear a symphony in my head…only to find out that what is coming out of us on Sunday mornings is a mere trumpet blast. 

The beautiful thing is – God is worshiped through not only symphonies…but also through the annoying blasts of a lone trumpet.  It is just frustrating because I prefer the symphony and it seems as if we will never be able to create that as result of the limitations of committment and members.

A disclaimer…I have actually have quite a few people who are giving up as much as they can to help out musically.  There is no way for them to commit to more…that is frustrating, but my frustration is not at them.

Published in: on November 9, 2009 at 2:34 pm  Leave a Comment  

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